When it comes to teaching my kids about reading, real food/healthy eating, and the joys of playing in their natural environment, I am like a duck to water. I am supremely confident in my ability to convey my love of these subjects in a way that will instill a lasting passion in my kids too. However, when the folks at Healthy Routines asked me to write about how I let my children's confidence shine, I struggled at first about how to put my actions into words. Building my kids' self-esteem has been a tougher parenting task for me.
It's not that I don't think my kids are great; they are the best! (unbiased mom's opinion) I guess it's more that I feel this is a complex task parents find themselves with, and one that it seems many get wrong. Then there was the book NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children, which I enjoyed but which also admonished me not to tell my kids they are smart or pretty too much. Say what? That's what I do! Without those phrases as ammunition, I was a bit lost about how to proceed.
I should qualify my statement above by noting the authors of that book don't tell you to remove the smart/pretty praise completely from your dialogue with your kids; rather, researchers noted kids who believe they are inherently intelligent are less likely to work hard to solve problems when presented with tasks more difficult than they were expecting or are used to. Got that? So basically kids who think they're smart aren't willing to work as hard. Whereas, kids who believe they come by their skills through hard work rather than intelligence will attack each task with energy and tenacity.
With their advice in mind, I have come up with some ways that seem to work toward positively improving Vivi's self-esteem. I find parenting how-to lists intimidating, but I promise these lessons are both easy to read and initiate with your kids. Here are three simple tricks that work for us:
1) "Talk about it."
Every night, we discuss with Vivi our favorite and least favorite parts of the day. We call it "Talk about it," and it's a continuation of a beloved routine my parents started with me as a child. Her favorite moments are predictable, like "I love that we ate ice cream" or "My favorite thing was our trip to the park." When it's my turn, I try to pick a time she excelled at an activity, such as "I enjoyed playing 'Go Fish' with you because you tried hard to remember which cards I had asked you about the time before. You're an excellent card player!"
2) Introduce new challenges frequently, both intellectual and physical.
Vivi is a voracious learner, and I have struggled in the past to keep up with her desire to absorb more information. In the past year, I have begun to get ahead of her by diligently staying on top of projects and subjects we haven't tackled yet. One such example is our study of other languages. So far, I have only introduced the two languages I am most familiar with, Spanish and American Sign. We're having fun! There are many ways to accomplish language study; our way is to incorporate different media, like books, DVDs, and video games. It's been rewarding lately to try signing with Charlotte, and I am able to praise simultaneously Vivi's memory and patience as a big sister.
As far as physical challenges go, I learned by trial and error with Vivi that I should take a more hands-off approach to dressing and grooming her. Now she picks out her own outfit every day, brushes her teeth and uses the restroom on her own, and because of her short hair cut she's also about to maintain her grooming by herself. When she marches downstairs in the morning with a new look, she beams with pride at the compliments we lavish on her.
3) Involve the village.
I've said it before, but I can't stress enough how important I think it is to surround your children with people who care about them, whether they be relatives or friends. When Vivi is around her grandparents, great grandparents, and other aunts and uncles, they each seem to notice and point out different strengths, and I see her self-worth grow with each shower of praise and affection. My great grandmother patiently taught her to play a few card games during their week together, giving Vivi the chance to try, fail at times, and learn from her mistakes to succeed.
What are your methods of building your kids' confidence and self-esteem?
As a member of Clever Girls Collective, I was selected to participate in the Healthy Habits program sponsored by Kimberly-Clark and Colgate-Palmolive. The content and opinions expressed here are all my own. #healthyhabits #cgc
Editor's note: This post is part of Teach Me Tuesday and Kids Co-Op.
No comments:
Post a Comment